.e.alternate.exit.

喜悅，快樂，是開心的。一切都值得！

it took me 2.5years to complete my degree.
PT degree to be exact.
the emphasize on PT because it is really not easy.

I am supposed to do it within 2 years. that's my plan.
But becos i didnt count my AUs properly, I need to do another half year more.
I remembered how upset i was then.
another half a year more means another half a year of suffering.
suffering becos doing PT and FT is really different.

can you imagine rushing to class after work?
can you imagine buring your nights and weekends on assignments?
can you imagine doing assignments in the office while your colleagues are out for lunch?
can you imagine studying for exams when there's still work waiting for you?
doing PT is just different with all these sacrifices.

friends around me over the 2.5yrs wondered how did i even do it.
i did not exactly spent my weekends on assignments.
weekends were spent with james.
playing volleyball. chilling. having dinner.
weekdays were also spent with james.
having dinner. watching tvieewws.

to be frank, i seriously have no ideas how I've come this far.
i make it seems so easy that my colleague is in Unisim now but finds it so tough with the numerous TMAs and ECAs. Not forgetting the quizzes that come at the start of every 2 lessons per course.

self-discipline? time management?
perhaps. these are the only 2 things i know has pushed me these far.
not forgetting that i always aim for an A, not just a pass.
I wouldn't say i did well.
But compared to many others, I'm supposed i did.

It's hard to xplain to people my rationale.
I'm a super duper PON-TAN queen for classes.
The habit has been with me since poly days.
I guess you just need to understand yourself before making any decision?
I nv once felt guilty for not attending class.
cos all the classes i missed, i know i can afford to.
why waste 5hrs or maybe even more for me going to class when you know you can study on your own?
like seriously?
instead, i spend the 5hrs working on my assignment in replacement of school day!
and viola! that's how i find time to pator over the weekends.
it was a sacrifice.
again, i wonder if he knows.

i always plan it so nicely that i nv miss any of our dates and i nv request for not meeting him unless i really have to.
i do worked throughout the night.
but i njoy sleeping, hence, i dont really work till like 3am.
i'm just confident of my work.

i did not graduate with a high 4.5 GPA.
but it's still slightly over 4.
and i believe, this is good enough for me.
and i'm uber proud of it.

getting a degree is definitely not an option in my education.
if i want a degree to begin with, i would have applied for it after my NP days.
i plan for a 'diploma' route for my life.
getting a degree is definitely way beyond my limits.
if not becos i'm with NIE, i wouldnt have sign up.
not that NIE needs it lah. but i need a career advancement.
without a degree, i cant really move up the ladder.
and the job at NIE wasnt my plan initially also.
so, well... somehow, things just fall into place.

i know my parent was delighted with my decision.
finally like after 3yrs since i graduated from NP, i told them i'm applying to get my degree.
they didnt say much.
xcept this from my dad:
'好咯，去讀，多少錢，跟爸爸講。你自己有心讀，想讀什麽，都是為你自己好。'
that's xactly what he told me.
wah lau, sibei 心酸 can.
anyway, that's all he said lah.
and i did everything on my own after that.
application, registering, going for interview, being enrolled into the schools.
i go for my classes. i do my work.
every semester, they paid the fees and i produced my result slip.
i know almost all PTimers paid their own school fees.
Only i asked my parent to pay for me.
Only i am the one asking them for school fees every sem lah!
But i'm not rich lor. I dont earn much also.
that's beside the point.
what i want to say is, that's the rs over the 2.5yrs.

every sem.. i make sure i did well as a form of repayment.
I gave them all As in my first result slip leh.
5 courses. And subsequently, the results maintained till i get a B after 3 sems and my mom asked..
'this time got B!!! nv work hard enuff izzit!'
see... even they think my As can 隨隨便便就有one leh!'
apparently, that's what james tot too.
which got me really pissed.
if it's so easy, how come my peers are not getting it?
not only did they not get it, some did not even pass can!
so what give them the impression A can be scored easily.

remembered the times i quarrelled with james cos getting As become a norm and hence, there's no encouragement and appreciation from him.
the no. of sacrifices made to get that As.
the double effort to finish every assignments wayyy before deadline.
he hardly shares my joy when i received my results.
and so, it becomes just me alone waiting in anticipation every sem for the release of my grades.

finally making it through to the last sem for strategy class.
a damn killer paper for everyone in business school.
surprisingly, it turns out very different for me.
i didnt score well for this course but the 3 weekends burnt for the class is definitely worth it.
i didnt know i can speak my way in front of a class.
neither do i know, this is the class i njoyed the most over for my whole unisim studies.
probably, it's really the 1pm-7pm and 9am -6pm in consecutive sat & sun that bond us so well.
everyone becomes everyone's friends.
and so, it's probably a good choice that i miscalculated my AUs right from the start.
i'm not as upset since cos i get to be in the same cohort as my yr 1 mates who needed 3 yrs to complete their programme.

taking up degree, becomes a matching staus quo with you.
your mum asked me when we first met, 'if i'm doing my degree.'
i cannot imagine if my answer was a NO at that time.
will i be look down upon then?
at that instance, i'm so glad i'm being accepted into the University and that i said i'm doing my PT degree.
Do you exactly know how i feel?
the degree was meant for my career advancement.
but later, it changes to match your status.
I seriously worked hard over the 2.5yrs maintaining and doing the best i can.
Not failing anyone's expectations.
Not my parents, not myself and most importantly, not you.
I dont recall using studies as an excuse to not meeting you.
the only times i get really mad, was when exams are round the corners and i needed time to mug.

3 months ago, i remembered telling you, sharing with you, how i wanted my convo to be.
you to be there. you to share my joy.
parhaps, convo to you is nothing.
i dont see your excitement when i told you.
but still, i continue to say what i want and how i see the convo to be.

yessterday was the day.
the day i waited for, a year ago.
for a split second, i do hope you sense my joy.

it was a really good day.
i had so much fun.
a day that i have, like how i felt on my 21st birthday.
being myself. doing and requesting for things that i declare is my day.
even MJ at nite was good for me.
what more shld i ask for?