extremely exhausted.
to be exact, exhuasted from work.
the weekend was a nightmare.
i merely survived through it cos i was busy watching jerry.yan.
come Monday, unknowingly, i have my first breakdown from work.
mentally tired. tired is an understatement.
i no longer understand why i'm working so hard for.
issit for myself? my passion for the job?
issit for the participants/delegates? to make them njoy having lessons?
issit for the coy? the reputation, the internationalism, the fun, the vibe.
what?!
this july will be my completion of 4 yrs here.
how long do i intend to be there?
for the next 5 yrs? or 10 yrs?
over the years, i believe i improve in what i'm doing for the coy and not the other way.
i seriously, honestly put in every effort to guide and try to make the system better.
now, it doesnt seems that important anymore.
how many times have we heard ppl complaining that their bosses claim credits, etc. etc.
i'm not saying mine does, but my managerSSSS does have their own way of handling things.
i guess i have reach my brim without me realising.
i cant really put into words what exactly happened.
i have yet to recover.
i feel sad going to work now.
i dont even want to listen to any of her suggestions cos i already have in mind how i'm working towards tightening the process.
it hurts having to listen now.
2 days passed.
i noted that i went to work today purely because of my commitment towards my participants.
2 graduation in Apr.
i rush and push myself for everything on my own.
what do i get in the end?
it's even more upsetting that i'm only seeking comfort in myself.
whatever happen to me?
i dont even feel like speaking becos i know no one will understand the sadness i feel.
it is a bad experience.
i am bad at controlling my tears.
can someone wake me up and tell me that i dont use to cry when i was young?
like no matter how my parents scold or scream at me, i dont cry?
why am i crying so much now?
for every single thing that i find upsetting?
the only time i felt happy today is during lunch time, where i seek peace sitting by the bench...
njoying the quietness ard.
badly affected.
it's time to move on.
